She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
