Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
