I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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