Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
