ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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