I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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