we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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