All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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