i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
