Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
