What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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