i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
