I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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