we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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