Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
