More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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