Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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