you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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