well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
