you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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