he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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