i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
