Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
