Dual....:-)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize