Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize