with your own penis?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
