Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize