ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize