Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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