last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
soo... how was my night?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
