So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
