I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
