this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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