Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
