It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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