my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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