I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
and you fell through a lawn chair
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
