I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
