Sponge bath it is.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
