Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I bet he comes in French.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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