Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
