and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
