Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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