How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
