Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
