remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
