I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
