just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
