I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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