My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
