I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
