Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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