I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
