You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
