Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
