Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I supernannyed him into submission
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
