guys are only as good as the porn they watch
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
