just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
