Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
