You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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