cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
