Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
