I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
