Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
