six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
