If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
