I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
