You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
