After last night, I could never be a politician.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
