Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
